What does she mean in the lyrics?

it seems to me like she had an abortion. It bothers me because if she wanted it to live so badly then she could have put it up for adoption. A lot of people would love to become parents, but they can't have them for fertility reasons. My cousin would know, but thanks to IVF, she's going to have twin boys. It happened three times that when she tried to adopt, they ended up aborting.